New House URL

Opps, wrong url...

New site: http://niqiuh.livejournal.com

New House

Changed e'tin to www.niqiuh.livejournal.com

Friday 13th-Sim Briefing

It's Friday the 13th! haha..but i got wonderful day! *loves* *happy happy* ((=

Today i got a day off to Sim Briefing... Sandy i need you to go orientation camp with me!!! haha...tt's the only thing i look forward to when i go for briefing..lol..don really understand what the lecturer is talking abt but i know it's not gonna be easy and it's real EXPENSIVE!!! e'tin is abt $$$$!!! ........

Went IMM and lunched at Spahgetti Too...i had fish baked rice which is delicious...felicia's not satisfied with her vegetarian pasta while peizhen hiam her chicken chop too much...cos too much meat, eat le will ni....shopped ard and IMM really changed alot better..nicer to shop...spent longest time is Daiso....all of us got smthg and headed home separately....

No i didnt head home, i went bugis to shop and bought a jeans for $25..hehe...actually wanted to get more things but i'm controlling! so meet Sinyee and Cindy...headed home together with their new temp staff, Marcus...i guess we're too chatty and noisy that he hardly has any chance to interrupt us and he only stand there laugh at us and wonder what we're talking about...haha...

It's a great relaxing day! hehe... ((=

1. Sunday: gonna attend Mady's wedding..
2. Wednesday: attending PeiFen's ROM chalet at aloha.. Both are my colleagues, wonderful funny peeps..haha...they make my day in office enjoyable!
3. Thursday: dinner with my OSIP mates...
4. Saturday: having basic theory E-Trial...but can the date be changed so i can go JB?

Well spent week!

Last week is increase! i mean weight..it's sinful...

Thursday, heavy dinner with relatives and it's a late dinner...

Friday, had sushi in JapanVillage (direct transalation from chinese)...a late dinner again....followed by EXPRESS kbox! haha..is really EXPRESS for that 2hrs...10+ bucks only...haha..tt explains the express singing....

Saturday, afternoon buffet at MansonicHall situated beside the oldest firestation...My auntie's sister's baby one month...lol...Nice place nice ambience but a little too crampy cos of the layout of tables...
Auntie: Nice hor this place...Eh qin u 21st hold it here la...i help you check out the price with my sister...
Later when my XiaoYi joined us....

Xiaoyi: Qin why don't you hold your 21st here!

hahaha....they make me really feel like to have my 21st holding it there! haha...but i think that's not cheap...and needed membership...After visiting grandma, we all went to Aloha Changi for some relative's Bbq...Sooooo...it's another buffet meal....see...it's reallly too much invitation le...lol...

Sunday, Yeah we had a family day at east coast....early mrgn went cycling with cousins and i'm so excited to meet the MrSun...but it's so cloudy! )= and i thgt finally i can exercise to shed off some weight gain from the buffet meals....but who knows....it's still the same lor cos had late night dinner and a very full lunch at PizzaHut...dots....

Oh ya, my sister is damn hao lian abt her height cos i thgt my bicycle is a bit tall for me but my legs still able to touch the ground la....ok tip toe...and know what...u know what...she fell down while cycling! LMAO...hao lian la hao lian...and she didnt shout any pain and was so calm when she fell down and even instructed us to help pick her bicycle up cos her leg is underneath it.....and when i told her i saw blood flowing out from her wound, she CRY la! WAHAHAHA....so stupid...she cry cos of the blood...LOL...both my cousin and i laugh like siao...hahaha....she's very clumsy la..tho always hao lian to me she's taller, yet she always felll down! i guess she has difficulty holding her that all height! LOL...i'm glad i'm not that tall...(=

Here and there...

Some one day while in office in May...

Suddenly, there is this smell, this feeling of the period..the period after my PSLE, everyday slacking at my bedok home (my grandparents') ...it's raining very heavily, the whole house is so dark and cold yet i feel so warm...sitting in the kitchen, chatting with my grandma and mummy while constantly nibbing on the food she had just cooked...Running to living room, watching the nw os donno 911 or some mjor issues...i wasn't really bothered by all those big happenings n news at that time of age instead i'm really enjoying the warmth and her cookings...such wonderful cooking skills she've got...skipping back and forth the kitchen to living room to nibble on the food...shouting across the living room to interrupt in both of their conversation....

Some short paragraph i extracted from an enlightening book...

" Life is a difficult experience and it's an on-going one. You keep learning until you did. Life is difficult but you keep thinking it should not be so, that it should be easy. Now i think that life should be difficult. Because that's the way we learn. "

5thJune2008-
Malaysia relatives came and we had a dinner with them at bedok south...great food great accompany followed by visiting of T3....

after dinner, sitting around chatting among cousins and my sanyi....all laughing so happily upon mentioning her...all smiles and laughter...but all the smiles and laughter soon fade.....it's only sighs, hias inside us tho none of us dare to show it out...there is just this moment where laughter and smiles just fades like as if we're guilty of smiling so happily when she's suffering like this...i was feeling bad nd awkward...cos i shouldn't have mention about her in our conversation...i shouldn't have! but it's jus so natural that she just appear in my mind and came out from my mouth...i still feel the guilty and the thought of feeling it's a pity...it's awaste....it's all still the same...i guess the love for her just grow even more...we desire more.... hais~

EastCoastCampin: 4 Rangers

all the emo @#$%^& entries below are just updates...this entry is also updates la...

Last saturday, four of us (angel, jordan, felicia and i) met up at east coast park...went prepared with jackets and 2 beach mat....EastCoastPark is so bustily...with alot of ppl camping there...there aren't any slient quiet moment at all....it's unlike midnight, it seems like the day where e'one is so energetic....haha...i felt a waste not to book a pit there to have a BBQ cos there's so many ppl ard and atmosphere is wonderful! haha...a grp of kids were playing forefit and both felicia and i were the victim cos he asked for our numbers...and..hee..i'm bad as usual...

Kid: hey can i have your number?

Both felicia and i didnt bother to answer him and continue talking+walking in our usual fast speed cos we're late meeting jordan+angel...

Kid (oh my, he's persistent sia) : can i have your no.?
Me (frankly) : sorry i don want to play with you this kind of games...
Kid (still determine) : act act only la...pls...anyhow give la...
Me : anyhow give then 1 to 9 lor...

haha...he went back happily with his friends cheering....haha..ok it's ...... ya...dots..we're in a rush and didnt wanna bother him but he's soo persistent sia...don't ask me handsome anot cos we didnt even look at him...we only eye contact with each other, continue with our conersation and only thing in mind is MacDonald's cos tt's our destination, ur meeting place with jordan+angel...haha...we miss the stop and were late la..haha...

we chatted through out the night non-stop...is really talk non-stop..gossips, nag, complain, laugh blah blah...haha...tt was fun...it's not really a htht (HeartToHeartTalk)...cos we didnt go deep into our troubles, frustations and all...it's all random chats and i'm quite surprise that the four of us could actually random talk so much...it just link and link and link to alot of things..haha...

know what i don wanna let jordan to guess correctly that i've been looking for food to feed my itchy mouth but i just cant tahan and he got the chance to tease me again..tsk! cos i've been craving for Mac since friday....so when reach EastCoast looking at Mac, i couldn't resist that crave....so in the end i bought a meal sharing fries with jordan...haha...i've been looking for food the whole night before the Mac meal...LOL...

Night is short, time passes very fast that we didnt realise it's alr 4am...we squeeze on the 2 beach mats lying down, looking at the sky and stars...slowly sky turns, morning sets in...but we didnt see any sun rising...haha...and this time the sky isn't as beautiful as that time....First time taking public bus home after a overnight stayout...haha...tho tiring but it's fun..budget ar..haha..(=

Funeral Days

28th April 2008

went to the funeral...all of us (cousins) were united in helping out..i was inside burning incense paper with my 18yr cousin..we chatted and i cry...chatted abt grandma's incident to now Siyi's death...we're all feeling the same...misses grandma, fear of forgetting her voice...he's losing faith in them who's staying above...we're still unable to accept and let her go...we're still afraid that she'll go...we're tired, we're sick of all these happening of sudden death of losing our love ones....everything happens out of expectation and defintely too sudden...

once again, lost confused extremely insecured....and it's double this time round....every doubtful feelings double....we had yet...our heart, our emotions had yet to recover from previous fall....now all our heart has the creation of another hole....

please.....please....i'm really desperately begging and praying to you that please treat us like this no more again....it's torturing...it f***ing sickening...please don fool us anymore....if u thgt u aren't fooling us, please give me a reason to believe you and understand all these happenings...i'm really stress and insecured about everything....i fear of being alone, i fear of falling asleep to welcome the new day...i wants everything to just freeze and stop here....i fear of moving forward to face more suddens....i don want anymore of it...i'm tired...we're all tired....aren't you tired? it's time for this drama to end right? it's boring to see the same things repeating right?

why do you have to treat us like this?

everyday waking up....i was hoping everything is a dream...i thgt i could see both my grandma and Siyi again...it all just occurred in my that few hours of dream...back it is not this way, nobody told me i'm dreaming, somebody tells me it's the truth, somebody pull me back to wants me to face the reality....i felt so useless, i felt so lifeless....

Waking up, it's another day, it's one more day to think to afraid to worry about handling this fact....it's one more day to face this crue reality...Since that night, i've not been sleeping well...A fear to fall asleep...constantly feeling insecured and lost...i didnt know what can i do but i'm just afraid to sleep....i'm hope i'm not sleeping and the world, the time just freeze...Freezed on the day where i'm happily enjoying everything that's around me, that i'm not losing anyone and i'm happy every single day...ha~ that's such a so naive, childish, unlike a reaching 20yrs young adult's thinking right?! that was so shameful huh...

i'm naive foolish....i get down easily by minor issues or wrongs....i feel discourage even at work ifi did some very minor mistakes...i'm in trouble...i mean i'm weird and thinking wrong on my mind...i know i might be sick....

maybe some might think i'm being over dramatic...but i didnt care...cos u didnt know what's exactly happening to my family....i don blame you but really please treasure every moments with your love ones...

Few of us stayed overnight on the last night....accompanying both of our cousins...talking crap...laughing together...waiting for the last day to send her off....i didnt know how we're feeling but it's contridicting...we had fun while together to pray to do rituals for my auntie...we joked, 'Falling in' for the rituals...haha...we used the given coins to get sweets tidbits from the mama shop beside...munching those 10cents long blackcurrant orange strawberry chewy sweets....we all had supper together, all squeezing in just one table...it was so back to our childhood times...we're so happy at those moments....everyone is enjoying it....we crap, laugh, joke, did stupid things together.....

Can time just freeze there? No...
30th April 2008: Another day just came....ha~ officially departing from her....

My dream family photo: 28-1-1

On the 26th of April night, my SiYi left all of us...She left the family physically....she's gone...it was a sudden which all of us couldn't take it...we all were in the midst of a dinner when the news arrived....all our hearts dropped really the the bottom...nobody has the mood to do anyting....

She's happily holidaying with her family in Bangkok, and comin back on this day....But it all must and has to happen to her in the mrgn before they head off to airport....Her heart is in deep pain and my uncle brought her to hospital immdiately and discovering she got to be operated immediately as her vessel might explode anytime....ha~ managed to save her back once but she choose to leave on the second time...operation failed....news travelled to our ears in Singapore....and yup, alll our hearts were like...tears flow...nobody has any more mood for dinner or any other thing....i did pray, we all did pray immediately upon knowing the news of her in danger....we were all at the temple place, we prayed immediately....ha~...what's the use of praying...

"Pray, pray for what ar pray...got help meh?!"

that's what i told sinyee on the phone...i shouted...i'm crying like crazy...i was so angry, lost totally frustrated and going out of my mind....i didnt know what's happening...once and again, one by one...all out of a sudden....i'm just so tired..tired of everything, i'm so worried about everything...my grandpa my grandma...will anybody know what kind of @##$$&% feeling is that? it's so insecure....i really wish to die and end all these...i don wan to recieve anymore of this nonsense....ya tt's selfish and foolish...i thgt i'm not as close to her as to the other aunties...but her death is still...it still hits my heart greatly.....however i might not like her actions or not as close to her, she's still part of my family photo, she also dote me alot since young, she's my auntie, i respect her....she has a poor life all along...kidney failure, she managed to fight thrg it with dialysis and ironically, she die because of heart attack....wth right....her first time on plane, first time travelling with whole family, first time travelling overseas and yet this have to happen.....

i was really crying fiercely, thinking of alot of alot......was really worried...my grandpa, grandma....i really feel insecure, i fear that the next day, anyone of them will also be gone out of sudden...

26th April 2008 - My dream perfect family photo which yet had to be taken have minus one more person, my Si Yi...i pray my uncle and cousins to be really strong....We'll be there for you guys for anything!

When will it stop? Another hole in the heart...when can it be mend? Never....

Mysteriously weird

i've already forgotten what i wants to blog about....

Work is still great cos i'm able to keep myself out of house and being busy...but last 2 days due to both (k508) Cindy and my high efficiency and effectiveness....we have got nothing to do after lunch! haha...in the end i've to go ard asking for jobs...LOL....


Thursday...

Work was fine in the mrgn until some unknown-out-of-nowhere sadness came...started missing her again..damn...That day I looked for my facial auntie and so she asked about her....hat can i always say when everybody ask how's her condition and all...

Everyone (who's concern and worried): how's your grandma?

Me (know everyone's concern but i cant say any other things): ha~ like that lor...waiting only...

and i thgt and hope she wun go any further like usually when she asked about her condition...but for this particular session, surprisingly she just continue and continue tho she had spotted my uncomfortable facial expression....that day is mysteriously weird cos i got the feeling that 'i dont care if u wanna hear anot, i just wants to continue...' yes she's giving me these feeling...i can feel something is trying to make me listen to what she got to say and get smthg into my stubborn brain to accept what it is!

Tears couldn't be hold back as images kept flashing pass, and it keep flowing out from the corner of my eyes and she just keep cleaning it away from me and didnt stop talking tho she knows i'm crying very jialatt already....at first i still thgt she wun be able to see the tears when it started flowing cos she's like so enthu in continous sharing with me her mother's story and she didnt stop hen i expected her to stop when she saw my tears....it's really weird....she just clean it for me and continue (that's when i know she can see my tears and she doesn't wants to stop).....

i know i know there's something or somebody donno where trying to help me in this thing....i've got this strong feeling but it's me myself....is myself that i can't or i don't want to accept...i'm like rejecting alot of your kind enlightening words....i appreciate it but i didnt know why i just cannot....i just cant....

she is telling me alot....alot are unpredictable...life...that's life....what she told me C*H really sucks! and i totally agree...haha..i was so concern about face where there's one moment i really couldn't hold myself and i really cry...and i quickly cam myself down thinking...Hey i'm not crying alone with nobody looking at....it's so shameful to unable to controm youself right...haha...and i deep breathe to stop that so ridiculous crying...haha...

and at the month end, it all started...another one...hais.........when will you stop fooling us?!!!

Schenker

Aiyoyoyo...i very lazy to update leh....

ok currently started working at new place...Schenker at ChangiSouth....woah fun...nice ppl nice evironment i like! *winks winks* (= lol...i take shuttle bus to the nearest station e'day after work...it gave me the Shanghai's smell and feeling!!! LOL...next the company's canteen...OMG...hahaha...yeah...Shanghai feeling...and the filing storeroom...Ahhhhhh...Felicia, Jasmine, SiewJie!!! REMEMBER?!?! we always slack there in the air con (old one) and the stuffy (new, in front of toilet de) store room...lol...we always chitchatt till shiok shiok!! hahaha...with those cupboards....hahaha...i enjoy gg to that place in Schenker can!! haha...and have been visiting toilet numerous times and got alot of times almost wanted to shout out and talk to the person beside my cubicle! LOOOOL...i guess i don't have to say what's the content right girls! HAHAHAHA...

Last week, FOC ended...with graduates cheering cheers of 05/06FO till 08/09FO!!! we all shouted 050****I GRADUATED!!!

my last last time of TP School Song!!!
*Temasek's Me, Temasek's You, We're a team~!

my last last time of Chicky Dance!!!
*Dede..dedede...Dede...dedede...De.....


my last last time of Tp MASS DANCE in the Sports Complex!!!!
*Meerrrrry MOooooorrrre...Open Open Close Close....


my last time of hand signature....
*There i see my Poly.....



LOL....05/06 FOC is the camp that marks my start of TP school life...I'm in the empire Krypton...Befriended HuiMin, Karine, Sharon, Ethel, Tobby, Seng, Jason, Cannonz etc....andthis camp really creates an impact on me...it makes me become more outgoing and i started constantly joining alot of school events...My TP LIFE is so colourful tho might not be as colourful as others....but i thgt it's already very RAINBOW enough to make me don wanna graduate, don wanna leave TP!!!

Life in TP is really great...i thought it was always the BEST POLYTECHNIC in Singapore!!! Imagine, this year's FOC participant are too much till TPSU got to reject them! Guess TP's name of having the greatest camp and friendliest polymates have spread really wide and far! haha...


haha...i have got no mood to continue further about graduation...maybe wait till one day certain hours where the feeling is there then i'll blog about it....((=

Dinner with Bwp

Met up with Bwp after both Sandy and Piwen got back from Japan, Kumamoto....dine at PS, Mathanan Fish? i donno how to spell la...smthg like FishnCo...chit-chatted..gossip, Jsxp, knct etc...both of them got each of us a 'FU' from Kumamoto's shrine...Vv of course got smthg that has got to do with her academic....Felicia smthg at family and health...KimBee's cos the 'FU' just suited her somehow but they donno wat's the meaning of it...lol...They got me smthg that have got to do with Love, r/s which they thgt i lack of...haha...it was cute la the thingy but it's just too pinky and girly for me...but THANKS la!! haha.. (=

Friends come, stay and go..Has Trust ever been there?

Misunderstanding cleared..(=


Sandy, pls don think you can read my mind, dont think you know what i'm thinking cos i can tel you, you'll never know what i'm thinking! cos i also don unstd my mind....

Tai Tai for a day...

Morning: Tanjong Pagar Interview

dragged myself up as early as 7.15am..bath and off to Novena to get my application form frm SPY cos she help me print...thanks ar! then rush to TanjongPagar....i've good sense of direction...haha...interviewed..tho i'm not tt keen....i didnt recieve their call...haha...cos my hp low batt for the whole afternoon...had Subway breakfast...Nice nice...travelled to CentralMall cos i wanted to go TheLegend at FortCanning for Guest Service Assistant walk in interview...still early so i slacked at Starbucks and played with my uncle's PSP for almost 2hrs...he lends to me cos his kid got to focus for exam..hehe...drank JavaChip and regretted cos too sweet...

Afternoon: TheLegend at FortCanning

near to time, i walked n figure my way to FortCanning and climbed the hill and steps under that big sun, passing those foreign workers with no other humans ard me....oh my...so dangerous...i majiam like pri sch kids or tourist having heritage trail...look at trees, insects etc...sweat of course! luckily i didnt wear heels...all thks to sandy for telling me to drop at ClarkQuay....shld have drop at PS and walk there...nearer and safer..haha...aiya k la i know u hao xin la...

reached, found out it's for permanent and no other offers for temporary position...left...well...ha...

while walking to the main road, tears almost come out cos upset...tho i'm prepared and have alr predicted that the offer shldn't be for temporary...and it's my carelessness that i didnt call before i came....but i didnt know why i just so stubborn n persistent and came all the way to walk in and try still with the hope yet knowing it'll be a sad outcome...silly huh...stupid right....before the tears can come out, i thgt it'll be damn real silly n stupid to cry over this matter...sooooo i hold on and swallow back all my tears....haha...i donno why i feel upset tho knowing all these....and i myself have alr predicted and prepare...while finding my way there, both my heart n mind constantly telling me it wun be a temporary job....but donno where this 'thingy' come from just tell me to go try n see and my leg just continue to walk n walk to the destination...hais...

THANKS SPY!!!

sms-ed SPY abt all this...and felt regreted...lol...cos it's so pai seh...hee...k i know ..... anyhow take a bus n see where it brings me to...dropped at Wheellock...went Borders, walked to Taka Kinokuniya...took a book and started reading...haha...surprisingly i read for 1-2hrs! LOL...it's amazing can! lol...the book is reallly too interesting for me...it lightens my mood...i smiled and laughed to myself while reading it...LOL...hahahaha...cos i totally agree to most of its content and i see myself in what the author describe...HAHA...so i bought the book and another jap book (which i've longed for)...reading tt interesting book and purchasing it...spending $60 really brightens my day! yup both books total up to that amount! ..... LOL...all females are the same! haha...i actually spent such huge amt on BOOKS! lol...(=

after that, i shopped ard Taka, Heeren and walked all the way to PS alone....with no hp, nobody able to reach me and only i could call them...haha...the feeling is so great! cos i feel so free like a bird! don care abt the ppl ard me....haha...woah...SHIOK! I'M LOVING IT! haha...first time which i actually enjoy so much of shopping alone...haha...i feel so Tai-Tai today cos all i do i slack, spent time wandering around and spend $$$....happen to come across this interesting and fun shop...MakeWithLove at PS Level 3....shopped inside very long cos trying to get some inspirations from there...haha...SECRET! BU NENG SUO DE MIMI!!! hehe...

ok e'tin seems so interesting to me today...haha..maybe there's some wire up in my head got connected wrongly...but tt's good cos at least i'm HAPPY! i'm feeling GAY! LOL...lalala....hahahaha...i'm so happy that i'm happy! ..... =D

7pm, met Sandy to ArtFriend, PastaMania dinner, joined her grp of JSXP friends...funny jokes and scenes at arcade...y ppl so enjoy gg arcade? LOH PI WEN thanks huh for your recommendation...but i enjoy SINGLEHOOD...and luckily Sandy is still the choice!!! LMAO!!!!!! met Cindy after her work and i bye to them...travel home...Cindy's tempting me to go MOS this saturday! shld i? shld i not?

SINYEE u very BUSY leh!!!

Oh today i did a good deed, i gave my seats to an old lady on the bus...lol...cos i usually don't and don't have tt courage....haha...smthg is reallly weird abt me not only today but for the past few days!

Yesterday::::

cos cos...i feel like there's smthg bothering me but i didnt know what is it...i just feel insecured and having the feeling that smthg is gonna take place...but i don't know what's tt...feeling kind of lost, donno what am i searching for..even if i knew what i need and wants, there's no pull force affecting me to encourage me...hmmm....this shld be due to my lack of determination...haha..

i know i'll get emo if i'm gg to let my mind anyhow 'fly'....so i cannot think anything but my mind is too free that i've to find things to think! ...... k contradicting and confusing...all the above symptons must be cause by being too bored from being too freee!

i control, contain, prevent cos i don wanna get emo or be sad...simply, i just wants to be happy.... ((=

but nth for me to be happy leh...mind body all wrong...wires all entangled...LOL...what exactly is botherin me huh? i know smthg is hiding somewhere in the head or heart trying to tell me smthg... dots i know...k conclusion, i'm really not the kind of Nua-At-Home person!

**Better Single Than Sorry by JenSchefft...

**Yakuza by ShokoTendo....

Recollection: Secondary School Years

Accompanied Cindy to get contact lense, LeeHwa interview...as usual i'm her mobile street directory...she just follow me...Did you open your BIG eyes and see where i'm gg? LOL...cos i thgt she and sinyee is always following blindly just like you, SPY! haha...ok she passed the interview but she decided to backout...haha... (=

Next, lunched and travelled to RafflesPlace SingtelBuilding with 2 donuts + bubble gum to find RonaldNg and YewSuan...haha...passed them the food, chatted till their head passby and we dismiss...haha...ok...YewSuan is finally at least BIGGER in physical...looks better...i thgt he's better looking than his before TekKo image! =X hahaha...Hmmm...RonaldNg, woah...near to 2yrs since i last saw him at Cindy's 18th Bday...Him...Gave me that...Ok become mature and got those ManSmell already...LOL...i mean the feeling he gave me la...omg...Wo men zhang da le!!! ...... haha...But there's still smthg both of them that remain the same la...haha...Anw hope to meet them up soon again! hehe.. =D


We slacked at CoffeeBean till ard 5pm...chatted alot..did alot of hui wei-ing and xiang dang nian! haha...we flew all the way back to sec1,2,3,4!!! haha...cant help it but to laugh at every small little details...HAHA...rumours...childish acts...unnecessary nonsense quarrels...teachers....etc. haha...was really really funny..i seldom do so much of recollections with cindy....at most the backtrack time will be just a few months back or back to year1 only....maybe now things changed...some or alot of miss-es here and there....trying to figure out what happen but it's just useless...



secondary 1....marvellous class combi of teachers + classmates....and i made a great friend...PSY..


secondary 2....woooh...chaotic complicated group...new friends....closer friendship with the guys...omg keep singing JayChou's songs...dot...i knew this new girl popping out of no where self intro herself to me, CLLB! LMAO...


secondary 3....haha...very glad ron,chris,amos still same class as me...new form of cliques....lotsa of memories....great class...i gave an oscar award to one dearest superb drama actor of esss...bazzare... (thinking back, i was silly)

secondary 4....that 3 guys still same class as me! lol...ys became my gossip crapping partner and caused me to always kana caught chattering and finally i got my seats changed to one corner sitting with fabian and amanda...haha...rumours...chaotic year....childish (haha, but who is mature at that time).. (=





* we still laughed and smile over your silly stupid funny entertaining acts....i recalled...ha-ha..all was redundant...cos in the end fate just brings this kind of ending to our story....but i'm glad my decision is right...i didnt regret anything..at least what i want to rmb is just all the happy moments...only happy images flash pass me....i smile....i'm glad... (= *

Of course, how would we miss out bgr?! haha...oh sinyee u miss it! haha...all abt cindy..haha..cos i've blank sheet still...HAHA...maybe i know the reason why...too persistent in own thinking? stubborn...'hard-hearted' and 'niao' in giving chances? tho now and then, loneliness or 'sian-ness of single' will suddenly pop out but they only last few days and i'm back to my happy single! LOL...in any way, i'm seriously happy with my free singlehood...unless otherwise any pop-ups, i'll then see how it is...haha... ((=

S.M.I.L.E =D

Vivi's 20th, Countdown

15thMarch2008, Saturday

It's another Saturday...this is gonna be a wonderful one...cos we are carrying out our long planned birthday surprise BBQ for Vivi...BUT it was all spoiled by one sms! ...... anyway great BBQ! Haha...so long didn't got any BBQ...hehe....was really fun..... HAPPY 20th VIVI !!

17thMarch ..... onwards

I was very extremely looking forward to this week cos first there's only 4 working days which is a bonus and happiness for all office workers can!! Lol....

Next is the new job interview which I've been looking forward to...

Next I could cut my hair after tahan-ing with the long fringe, messy out of shape bob hair! Haha..

Next is dinner with the Rangers at the CheesecakeCafe...Hehe...

Next Next Next is I can start packing my luggage!! Haha....

Lastly, the days to Bangkok trip is getting nearer (actually is the days to my last day of work)!! Lalala...hohoho....haha...

But I thgt things aren't gg very smooth..first there's some news about some idiotics traveling into my ears..which was arrgh....haha...next was extra stress abt choosing which courses for which uni upon knowing that the dateline is by end of the month..but I'm left with 30th and 31st to request the printing of transcript and all otherwise I've got to wait for next yr intake! .... shit...got advices from some friends and their words didn't comfort and make me more relax and calm...haha...

THANKS! ((=

5thMarch - 9thMarch

5thMar2008-Wednesday
I claimed back my remaining half day and went Vivo with felicia...thgt of watching Ps, I Love You but there's no early tim slot thus we went Vivo as i've promised her the day before...visited that cheap shop which she mentioned she saw on TV....and it was not nice at all lor...she still say TV advertise till like very nice! dots....shopped the whole Vivo and of course CandyEmpire! hehe...

Sandy i'm getting the bad habit of yours like buyin every small little items that i like...tsssk...i've spent and waste so much of my money! haha..ok after some shopping, settle down at some place and started chatting again...random topics but bothers me quite alot...TSK....

And we came to a topic where its about my fate of becoming some mistress or some third party kind of bitch...haha...I'm clueless why we always come to this same topic...oh she was telling me she read from some book abt eyes and all....so the type of eyes that the book is describing just reminds her of my eyes...initially I thgt I was always the only one who thgt I would be one of these kind of bitch but now with one more confirmation which is so strong....i start to worry....haha...it quite bothers me actually...worrying I'll really become one of those kind..which is totally what I hate....

Trying hard to find excuses or others to assure and support my stand that I wun be one....haha....

First, I dislike this kind of r/s (tho it gonna be exciting but it's not gonna last long) and I wun like this kind of (third party) person to appear in my own r/s so why I wld be one? Know what she replied me? Sometimes it's not up to your choice....!! Oh my god lor..her so strong agreement makes me more bothered by this issue cos I myself already have this strong feelings and now adding one more 'confirmation'...dots....see I care about how others look at me, imagine my cliques, lesbie, besties, friends, family all view me in those 'coloured' eyes...it's not gonna to work out in any way for me! lol...it will be like living w/o friends and family, how can it be?! That's not life! Haha...it's not gonna to happen right?! *pray* hahaha...

Do you ppl have any kind of strong feelings for particular issues and got really worried like me? Or it had really happened? Tell me..Tag me!! haha.. (=


8thMar2008-Saturday

Rangers cycling changed to Waterhorse midnight movie at TheCathay....all working personnel (mindy, angel and me) are too tired for physical activity like cycling (up the highways)...haha....

angel missed the gathering again..after the movie, we sat outdoors chatting before mindy got herself a cab home...The rest of us continue chatting and walked to Esplanade..i was too tired and fell asleep while sitting outside the NoSignboard restaurant..Finally it's ard 5 6+ am in the mrgn..thinking we could take the earliest train home but it's still way too early for the first train to start operating...Soooo....in the end together with the couple, Felicia and I took cab home... How meaningful isn't it? ..... haha...cos we all just wanna hangout with all rangers but have got limited ideas...went home, slept like a pig....(=

Dinner with Arthur

2ndMarch2008

i had half day...or shld i say a quarter day leave? i supposingly should have a half-day leave but it was all destroyed by some last minutes assignments that i've got to help Jessie to finish...and so my hlaf day leave was left with a quarter! ..... no choice, i still carry on takin that quarter day leave because i've promise to meet felicia and she has waited too long for me already...so shopped around before gg to MarinaSquare to meet Arthur and all the OSIP mates...

Had Waraku..we chatted till the air-con was switched off and we're the last customers to leave the place...took pictures outside and we headed home...a short simple dinner gathering but alot of memories flash backs...haha...laughed alot...... (=

That hole in my heart...

1stMarch2008
Fourth day at work.....it's a Saturday!!! Oh man...it is raining so heavily, such a cold weather to hide inside my comforter till late morning.....but I'm waking up on the usual time like office hours as early as 7am to go to work...the roads are so desserted la..still have to share umbrella with strangers to cross street..and in the end, I'm stuck inside office alone for 6hrs!!!

Visited grandma after work and had dinner together with my Sanyi (family) and Xiaoyi (family)....We went LongHouse and had a long chatting session before gg home..it was really fun...we chatted from how parents, each aunties and uncles got together, their dating process and gossips..haha..next was about cousins, my siblings and my babies time...our for known behaviours and blah....I don need a pacifier, just my thumb will do..haha..a lot of memories flash back la....we always had to queue in front of grandpa to collect money because he'll distribute money to each of his grandchildren whenever he got his pay....hehe...=D Who he doted most on and blah....

The stay over nights at grandma's house....she always tell us stories and her children's childhood......who she don like and why she don't like...haha....when ah li and I were talking abt how she told us and all.....we automatically knows her actions and all..we just laughed very happily because of her cuteness...we just miss it......we miss her.........there's no need to act out or do the action when she's taking or telling us story....we all knew it...we just laughed together with images in all our mind..really there's a lot of images flash past in my brain....it's all like in a filmstrip...i could rmb my primary school times in her house..always staying over at her house for the reason that I've got to reached school early the next day for HouseTraining....she'll wake me up and all.....she's like my mother.... =)

Hais....we chatted very long....we all missed the past......the happy moments......we do still have happy moments every now and then, just like this simple dinner....but it's just different....ha~ =) Next we came to a point where we're thinking of booking a bus for the whole family to go Genting together...this is what I've always wished for..but now all had to be delayed and it's gonna be different.....I was telling my mother and Xiaoyi the other day of taking a big family photo..and I came to found out, actually my Xiaoyi had thg of it long ago but it just didn't happen and now all this happens...less one person...came to think of it.....wasteful......regrets........ =\

I'm not trying to be emo again...when I think of this, my mind is like keep telling me, "I want her to be in the picture with us...it's a whole big family picture, she can't not be in the picture together with us..i have a grandpa so i do need a grandma!" ..... but this just wun come true....i know my what my mind is telling me, just shows acts of stubbornness....

I WANT A WHOLE BIG FAMILY PHOTO HANGING IN MY ROOM, IN MY HOUSE LIVING ROOM, IN EVERY AUNTIES' HOUSE.....

maybe I'm being naïve or childish or acting just like some (qianjingsiewjie) rich overly-doted girl or princess....but that's what I really think and hope for....i have a too perfect picture for my family....i don mean my family is not good enough....but donno why HARMFUL or HURTINGS or ACCIDENTS or LOSING MY LOVE ONES or whatever that is NEGATIVE are not at all in my dictionary for this family.....maybe didn't thgt of it but I didn't take it serious.....i didn't think much of it...untill it happens.........i don't think my loved ones beside me will die or anything bad will occur on them....but it just happens....tt's y I'm now seriously afraid of losing any of my loved ones that are all around me, always around for me...losing one is like taking a part of my heart away.....now there's already a gigantic hole..it's difficult to fill it up unless with the same identical living person..... ha~ ........ (=

I know some friends will not like this side of me..being so pessimistic or whatsoever....no longer the old me.....I know....i too know I'm no longer the same and I hate it too...but I just have this foolish thinking that if it's for the sake of an important person in my life, it think it's worth it..i don regret becoming the now me tho I hate it......Okay, confusing.....don't get what I mean? Then don't bother to try unstd-ing it....cos nth useful.... (=

can anyone fill that hole in my heart?

Cheesecake Cafe

27thFeb2008 – 28thFeb2008
First day at work was..Rush!!

Second day was..Lost Confused Stress and the first pimple pops out!! Can I die?! Haha..Okay, don wanna talk about this again cos I think I've complained numerous time to my friends already...so most of them knows abt this new job..Anyway, my job scope involves staff salary and issuing cheques, aiya anything that have got to do with using company's $$$$ la..omg..BIG REPONSIBILITY and it means HUGE PRESSURE!!!

29thFeb2008
Third day at work was slightly better but mood still aren't feeling better..and here came the birth of the second pimple.....resulting from the stress and insufficient amount of rest....HOWEVER, after calling my agent to check out when's my last day of work, my mood literally changed 180degree.....haha.....in anyway, third day's work was done according to my own agar-ration and own reference notes...What can I do other than praying daily that hopefully nth would be done wrongly..haha...

I managed to pass these few days successfully w/o breaking down with felicia's encouragement..lol...your msg really encouraged me a lot..believe me, I still have your sms in my phone..of course, my few other friends also encouraged and made me buck up and just continue to try non-stop without giving up! I'm unsure why I've become so easily demoralize and not with the right attitude and no self motivation…okay motivation, I've always not having a lot of it..but I'll feel at least a little motivated, optimistic abt my current situation and think in another point of view to console myself..But donno why this time, I'm like this..really feel like running out of the office and disappear, otherwise I'll just break down in front of the office ppl..i've got trouble managing my emotions and mind right?! I'm getting my emotions to take over me right?! Anyway, .... THANKS!!! You ppl are always great!

After work, reached home at ard 8plus and Felicia came to fetch me at ard 9plus10 and headed to tanshandi's block to fetch both her Jies....I still crave for late night outs! Lol..We head to Siglap CheesecakeCafe......Along the way there, there was never a quiet moment in the car..majiam WET MARKET in Felicia’s tt bright chilli red Toyota..Both her Jies were talking so loudly and where Felicia replied them in her blasted voice too..hais..

One moment, Jieyi and Felicia were arguing the way of giving right accurate directions, next moment, Sandy (sitting at the back seat with me) interrupted both of them and direct Felicia like she's on a taxi! Lol....she takes too much taxi and whenever she's on a car's backseat, she goes uncle in front turn left right go straight etc...haha....Everyone was so excited and couldn't stop talking and arguing about anything and everything...The Jies of Felicia couldn't help it but worried if they could reach the CheesecakeCafe or home safely to meet their parents in a full piece....haha....Felicia's driving skills were doubt by them.....HAHA!!

Reached CheesecakeCafe and smthg embarrassing occurred which I couldn't say it here otherwise Felicia's gg to blacklist me for always being big mouth-ing announcing her faceless incident online.....The ambience at the Cafe was wonderful and comfortable..saw TP senior and Felicia's poly 3yrs, THOUGHT-looks-like-actor eye candy!! LOL...we were all laughing like ah siao over there..I was the first to get home as I got to work the next mrgn....Hais....

Fortune telling

Slacking day....met felicia and went back to school to collect the transcript...ya i only collected it today! lol...so i've just posted it today...ha~ got abit don care de attitude huh....we had brunch at mensa....really ate alot cos have to wait for mindy....so we started our conversation....from religion to OSIP....thgt alot of shanghai funny memories....it' was very funnnnny and truly memorable...HAHAHAHA....the time spent in school is so relaxing and i go ard laughing at students for having to study for their papers! hahaha...i know it's bad but i can't help it..=X hahaha...k la...i xing zai le huo la....haha...

mindy came to fetch us and we went to suntec cos i thgt natas fair is held there! ..... mindy got her car scratched...lol...so we just went suntec to buy tape to tape the broken light...LOL...and went to bugis for dessert....EAT again....have been eating for whole afternoon with felicia! the dessert is not bad...at LiangSeah street...i had hot almond+sesame paste while felicia had the cold one and mindy had hot sesame paste...plus carrot cake and cheecheongfan...felicia's treat..also donno for wat reason! lol...and we chatted alot about past live to past to present to future to donno where...haha...fortune telling..to be believe? i'll ban xing ban yi...haha...

she drove us home at ard 5.30 cos the car has got to reach home early...haha...anw i've also promise to have dinner at home...so all guai guai go home early lor...haha...anw friends, i got a job...got to start work tml mrgn! is $7/hr (no $$$ for leave taken) or $1100/mth more worth? with inclusion of CPF for both....

Today is a great meaningful day for the 3 of us! haha...it's more meaningful than rotting at home!! haha...((=